The Paradox of Success

Success is a complex phenomenon. While it can bring many positive things, it also has its downsides if we misunderstand the concept. Success is an extreme tool that can have both positive and negative impacts on our mental health and well-being, which is the focus of this blog post.

The paradox of success is that we cannot achieve it by focusing on it. If we concentrate on becoming successful, we will never reach success. Becoming successful is impossible because it is self-defined. Success has no clear boundary; we always have desires we long for, and when we achieve the goals we’ve set, we can create new ones and continue until we burn out. However, if we pursue life goals that benefit rather than harm our mental health, understand the purpose behind our actions, and strive to fulfill them, we can perceive our actions as either successes or failures.

To put it another way: success is not the external circumstances or goals we aim to achieve, but the actions we take that bring us joy and happiness. If we have goals we want to reach, it’s about seeing our actions as successful rather than focusing solely on overarching results. The more successful actions we accumulate, the more successful we become overall.

Another critical factor in success is understanding why we chase what we chase. We may have different reasons for setting goals for ourselves or pursuing what we perceive as success, but we need to understand the foundation of why we seek success. There is nothing wrong with aiming for a better financial situation or losing four kilos, but if our motivation is rooted in negatively charged tendencies like being better or richer than others, it can harm our mental health. Conversely, if our motivation lies in a positive expectation that benefits us—such as affording the dream home or improving physical fitness—success can yield beneficial results.

Success is a powerful word. It can profoundly affect us if we fail to meet our expectations of ourselves. This is why it is essential to understand the power behind success, enabling us to manage it in both good and bad times.

The Definition of Success

From an objective standpoint, success can be defined using external criteria independent of a person’s individual feelings or opinions. For instance, success can be measured by professional achievements, winning awards, or reaching goals. Objective success is often associated with accomplishments that can be observed and quantified.

In this sense, success serves as a criterion or standard, whether it be a benchmark of expectations or a normative standard set to maintain a certain level of professionalism. Objective success creates a shared understanding and standard for various fields such as society, research, and technology. The misunderstanding of objective success occurs when we translate it into a scale for comparing ourselves with others. When we believe that success makes us better than others—by focusing excessively on control and perfectionism—it can create constant pressure to perform and lead to a fear of failure. It’s vital to accept that failure is a part of life and to learn from one’s mistakes. Neglecting other important life values, such as compassion, creativity, ethics, and spirituality, can also be a risk. Finding a balance between objective goals and personal values is crucial for a meaningful life.

In the pursuit of objective success, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves with others, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and envy. It’s important to remember that everyone has their own unique path and definition of success—namely, the subjective path.

When Success Is Objective

From an objective perspective, success can be defined through external criteria independent of a person’s individual emotions or opinions. For instance, success may be measured by professional expertise, winning awards, or achieving specific goals. Objective success is often tied to achievements that can be observed and measured.

In this context, success serves as a criterion or standard that may function as either a benchmark of expectations or a normative standard established to maintain a certain level of professionalism. Objective success provides a shared understanding and standard for various domains, such as society, research, and technology. However, misunderstandings arise when we turn this objective success into a metric for comparing ourselves to others. When we assume that success is about being better than others—perhaps through an excessive focus on control and perfectionism—it can create relentless pressure to perform and foster a fear of failure. It is essential to accept that failure is part of life and to learn from our mistakes. Neglecting other important values in life, such as compassion, creativity, ethics, and spirituality, can also occur. Striking a balance between objective goals and personal values is crucial for living a meaningful life.

In the pursuit of objective success, it is easy to fall into the trap of comparing oneself to others, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy and envy. It is important to remember that everyone has their own unique path and definition of success—namely, the subjective path.

When Success Is Subjective

Subjective success is a deeply personal experience that varies from individual to individual. What makes one person feel successful may not hold the same meaning for someone else. For example, one person might define success as earning a significant amount of money, while another might define it as having a happy family. Ultimately, subjective success is about how well a person achieves their own goals and desires.

We can easily become blinded by societal standards and begin to believe we are either less or more than others. We might put too much trust in the opinions of parents, friends, or influential figures who suggest how our lives could be better. While such advice can be valuable if we are struggling, we must develop an understanding of what truly makes us successful in our own eyes.

Understanding what makes us happy and gives our lives meaning is vital to living well. However, an excessive focus on achieving subjective success can lead to imbalance, causing us to neglect other important aspects of life, such as relationships, work, leisure, and self-care. Striking a healthy balance between our goals and other areas of life is essential.

Success Criteria

Success criteria are benchmarks we set to achieve our goals. They consist of actions or smaller goals—what we might call milestones. For example, if the goal is to lose weight, we can create milestones that help us progress toward that goal. These might include eating more vegetables and exercising three times a week. Success criteria function as a checklist of steps we can take to get closer to our desired outcomes, allowing us to evaluate whether we’ve been successful or not.

This structured approach to achieving goals makes it easier to measure progress while maintaining a realistic and balanced perspective on what success means to us personally.

Success Parameters

We can measure our success on different levels, but doing so improperly can negatively impact our well-being. It’s important to be cautious about what we define as our success criteria. But what should we base our success criteria on? The present moment and how it affects us.

We should focus on what brings us happiness and meaning in the here and now. Success becomes meaningful when we emphasize the process rather than the goal. We might set high expectations for ourselves, feeling motivated and inspired to achieve something beyond our imagination. However, if we don’t enjoy the journey, we might be better off without the goal. Of course, there will be challenging times on our path to achieving something. Yet, if our approach still provides us with either meaning or happiness, one factor will uplift the other and help us continue our journey.

The present moment is the only time when we can act to achieve success. It is in this moment that we have the opportunity to find meaning and happiness and to define the actions necessary to create them. To cultivate success, here are some ideas to consider when defining it:

Establishing Well-Being

Well-being is the state of being comfortable, healthy, and happy. It reflects how we feel about ourselves right now, what we value in ourselves, and what we might want to change. Establishing well-being from the outset can elevate our levels of happiness and meaning, thereby deepening our understanding of success.

Well-being is achieved when all aspects of life are interconnected. When our actions bring us meaning and happiness and link the various life sectors together, we find balance across six key areas:

When setting goals we want to achieve, it’s helpful to consider the fundamental needs that influence us and how to optimize them. By doing this, we can determine what our success criteria should be, guiding us toward the outcomes we desire.

For example, if you want to feel more comfortable in your body, set goals related to diet or exercise, or pick up a hobby that improves your sense of well-being. If you want to expand your knowledge or become more social, dedicate time to discovering ways to achieve these things. Starting with your interests and needs is an excellent first step.

When you recognize fundamental needs you want to address, begin by figuring out how to meet those needs in a way that brings you joy. This approach ensures that your path to success is both fulfilling and sustainable.

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Happiness and Meaning

Success is a concept often used as a measure of materialism. When we own a big house, drive an expensive car, and have a high-paying job, we tend to believe that we have achieved success.

This is also a paradox of success. We perceive what we believe to be success, but true success is what we create from what we do. For instance, you might achieve significant success by starting a business or climbing the corporate ladder, but it might come at the cost of a marriage, seeing your children daily, or losing touch with your friends. If you genuinely feel that it was worth it, then fine—that is your version of success. But if you feel less happy and more isolated, you might ask yourself: “Is this really success?”

To create success, we need to be present in what we do and find joy and meaning in our actions. It is the connection between meaning and happiness that forms the foundation of success.

For example, a tough day at work might not bring immediate happiness, but if the work serves a meaningful purpose—like advancing your career or providing for your family—it can sustain your sense of fulfillment. Conversely, engaging in an activity that brings you joy, such as a hobby or quality time with loved ones, can uplift your mood even if the broader purpose feels unclear.

By weaving both happiness and meaning into our lives, we create a more sustainable path to success—one that enriches our well-being and helps us stay balanced, even when challenges arise.

Happiness

When discussing happiness, it’s essential to understand the breadth of the concept. Happiness can be divided into two types: hedonic happiness and eudaimonic happiness. Hedonic happiness is characterized by materialistic and self-centered tendencies, such as owning a car, a boat, a house, gaining recognition, or fulfilling greed. In contrast, eudaimonia explores how our actions create meaning, which in turn results in happiness.

How do we find happiness? First, we can start by identifying what makes us happy—what we enjoy doing and how much meaning it brings to our lives. If we’re unsure what makes us happy, we might need to step out of our comfort zone. Challenging ourselves can help us discover activities that excite or inspire us.

Explore what sparks joy or interest for you and how engaging in those activities brings happiness. Several factors might influence what we enjoy doing. Are we looking for a sense of connection? Do we want to immerse ourselves in something deeply engaging? Whatever it may be, it’s helpful to ask ourselves questions about what we value most.

When it comes to success, it’s not always about seeing the bigger picture. It’s often more important to enjoy the journey toward achieving your goals. Along the way, you may encounter people with paternalistic attitudes—those who think they know what’s best for you and attempt to frame your successes as failures. However, if you’re happy with what you’re doing and the life you’re living, isn’t that success, no matter who you are?

Meaning

Meaning supports how our actions reflect what we value. It challenges us to examine our actions and how they can bring us happiness. For example, working at a school might be meaningful because you strongly believe in the importance of children learning and understanding the value of knowledge. If this is the case, you’ve found meaning in your work.

Happiness complements meaning in this case. You might feel joy from doing your job and enjoy the company of your colleagues. While meaning might be the driving force, the actions themselves should also bring happiness. Using the same example, as a teacher, seeing the children’s excitement as they learn could motivate you to keep going. Additionally, having supportive colleagues who bring you joy and collaboration opportunities would further reinforce the meaning behind your work.

Morals and Principles

Morals and principles are valuable for creating deeper reasons and understanding why we strive to achieve our goals.

• Morals define the intentions behind our behavior—essentially, the purpose and meaning of our actions. They encompass our norms, values, and rules, forming the standards by which we act. Morals are shaped by practice, experience, beliefs, and personal growth.
• Principles guide how we act in specific situations. They are influenced by various belief systems depending on the context. Principles can stem from proverbs, clichés with deep messages, or philosophies from people we find inspiring.

Together, morals and principles help justify how and why we pursue success. For example, if you’re saving for a car, you might ask yourself questions such as:

Morals answer the how behind our actions, while principles explain the why. For example, saving for a car might lead you to act responsibly with your finances, remain patient with the process, and stay optimistic about achieving your goal. This approach ensures you don’t compromise your mental health while maintaining belief in your ability to succeed.

Creating a set of strong moral and principled guidelines can help in various scenarios. They allow us to focus on what truly matters while disregarding unnecessary pursuits. When it comes to success, morals and principles challenge our motivations, refine our goals, and clarify how and why we want to succeed.

By combining these elements, we cultivate a more thoughtful, intentional path to success—one that is both personally fulfilling and deeply aligned with our values.

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Conclusion on Success

If achieving success by focusing on it is a paradox, how should we understand it? Success is an alignment with our goals that brings us happiness and well-being. It can range from micro-successes, such as tidying up the dishes or packing a backpack for a trip, to macro-successes, like completing a major project. Finding satisfaction in our micro-successes is essential to achieving macro-successes. Sometimes, we must engage in tasks that feel hard or challenging in the moment, but if the outcome of those actions yields a positive result, it is a success rather than a failure.

Today, social media is flooded with advertisements for online courses offering quick success, such as “Get rich in 30 days” or “Achieve your dream life.” While these courses might provide valuable insights, they often promote a one-size-fits-all approach to success. A more beneficial approach might be developing an understanding of what we truly want from life and how our actions create success for us. If we become rich in 30 days by working around the clock on something we dislike, is it worth it? What does wealth even mean in this context? Does it encompass both financial and lifestyle richness?

Success is about identifying what we want—not blindly following someone else’s success story. Perhaps you don’t need to get rich in 30 days or be told what a dream life looks like; instead, it’s something you define for yourself and figure out how to achieve.

We cannot rely solely on the concept of success—it is too broad a term to guide us effectively. However, if we focus on what brings us joy and meaning, we will naturally achieve the success we desire. Reminding ourselves of how and why we want to be successful encourages regular reflection on whether we are on the right path or need to adjust our course. If our goal is to be better than others, it may be time to shift our focus to becoming better versions of ourselves.

Defining Objective and Subjective Success

Success is often a combination of subjective and objective factors. What makes someone feel successful depends on their individual goals and desires as well as the external criteria used to measure success in their society or culture. It also depends on their ambitions and whether those ambitions bring them happiness. For instance, if we aim for a high-ranking position in a company, we need to reflect on why we want it and determine whether it is worth pursuing, considering our subjective well-being.

It’s important to remember that success is a multidimensional concept encompassing both objective and subjective factors. While striving for objective success can be motivating, it’s crucial to do so in a way that enhances overall well-being without compromising personal values or relationships.

Success Is Not the Destination; It’s the Journey

Happiness and meaning lead to success—but not the other way around. Success cannot define happiness because success depends on how satisfied and happy we are when we achieve something. Chasing an end goal without enjoying the journey often fails to meet the criteria for a good life. Instead, it diminishes our quality of life. Being content and happy with where you are and what you’re doing creates all the success you need. However, you must take responsibility for cultivating that joy throughout your journey.

There will, of course, be obstacles along the way. These challenges are easier to overcome if you’re engaged in something you love or are committed to facing them responsibly. External influences beyond our control may also impact our well-being. When such challenges arise, having a deep connection to and enjoyment of your life’s process makes it easier to navigate them, rather than merely enduring the experience.

In the end, success is about balancing happiness, meaning, and personal fulfillment—not reaching a singular goal, but finding joy and growth throughout the journey.

Purpose Before Goals

We’ve discussed goals and sub-goals extensively. Goals are milestones that support our purpose. Purpose provides a deeper explanation for why we aim for the success we desire. People often confuse purpose and goals, so let’s clarify:

• Purpose is the infinite impact we want to leave on the world, affecting others beyond ourselves.
• Goals are finite milestones that align with and support our purpose.

For example:

• Purpose: Helping people fulfill their passions.
• Goal: Supporting this purpose through coaching.
• Sub-goal: Becoming a certified coach to achieve the goal.

When we define our purpose first, we can set goals and sub-goals that align with it, making our efforts more meaningful and effective. Starting with your purpose—the spark that ignites your motivation—allows you to create a roadmap for achieving it.

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Avoid Comparing Success

Everyone is at a different place in their journey. While we can draw inspiration from others’ successes, comparison often shifts the focus to ego-driven tendencies. This can diminish our happiness and strip meaning from our actions. Success cannot be measured in relation to others. Instead, it should be evaluated based on our progress toward our own goals.

Establish Well-Being

The more interconnected the various aspects of our lives are, the easier it becomes to create a solid foundation for well-being. Establishing well-being helps us define what success means for us. Success is not about owning a big house, driving an expensive car, or having a large bank account—it’s about feeling good in the present moment, finding daily happiness and meaning, and being satisfied with what we have.

We cannot chase or objectively define success; we can only create it. Success is a combination of our well-being, actions, and purpose. By focusing on the process rather than the end result, we find fulfillment in what we do and satisfaction in the present moment rather than seeking it endlessly in the future.

Be Mindful of Ego

Modern life, especially with the influence of social media, often encourages exaggerated ambitions inspired by influencers or “successful” people. These inspirations can sometimes be driven by ego, which we need to approach carefully.

When seeking inspiration, we should ensure our intentions are rooted in positive causes. If we desire material success, it’s important to have good reasons, such as supporting our family or fulfilling fundamental needs. While everyone’s definition of “enough” is subjective, it’s vital to balance our aspirations with sustainability—both for ourselves and the planet.

Healthy ego-driven tendencies can include finding a good work-life balance, working productively for the benefit of others and ourselves, and taking pride in our meaningful accomplishments. Unhealthy tendencies arise when we define success solely by material possessions or social comparisons.

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Success Requires Recognition

Focusing too much on future success can distract us from recognizing what we’ve already achieved. When we concentrate solely on the steps needed to succeed, we often overlook the progress we’ve made. Chasing success is akin to chasing happiness—it’s elusive unless we appreciate the small victories along the way.

For example:
If a day doesn’t go as planned, and few actions feel successful, we should remember that it’s okay to have setbacks. Acknowledging that we tried in various ways to succeed—even if those attempts fell short—is essential. Recognizing and learning from failures is just as important as celebrating achievements.

Failure creates a space for growth and learning. When we admit our mistakes, we can see them as steps toward success and identify ways to avoid repeating them. Success, in this sense, is not just about achieving goals—it’s about the resilience and insight gained along the way.

Success isn’t a static endpoint; it’s a dynamic process of aligning our purpose, actions, and well-being. By embracing the journey, appreciating small victories, and remaining true to our values, we can create a meaningful, fulfilling version of success uniquely our own.

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